Happy Friday Every-bloody! The chill of Shock-tober is in the air, and I just ordered a scary ass Chatterer mask for Halloween!
Saucy Josh is in hurry to get out of town for the weekend. For those of you who don’t know, I often moonlight as the singer of a stoner-groove band called Smokin’ Roots Crew. We’ll be playing the Earthdance Festival in Los Gatos this weekend, and I need to hit the damn road!
But don’t worry, my pretties, I won’t leave you hanging! My list this week is of Horror movie ghosts. As always, I have some set parameters for this collection of spooky spirits. It has to be a ghost with a specific name and/or personality. No nameless ghosts like in Entity. No haunted house ghosts like in The Amityville Horror or Poltergeist. Also, no blanket awards for a group of ghosts in the same film, like in A Haunting in Connecticut and 13 Ghosts.
Each ghost on my list was human at one time, and they retain physical traits and bits of their corporal personalities. With this in mind, please enjoy my latest offering…
10 Seriously Spooky Horror Movie Specters
Freddy Krueger from A Nightmare on Elm Street: Freddy is perhaps the only ghost who is also a serial killer. While he is no longer bound to the physical plane of our reality, he maintains his favorite pre-death pastime: slaying teenagers. In the first Nightmare, Freddy was briefly extracted from the dream world and was then susceptible to physical retaliation. In part 2, Freddy seemed to find a portal into the real world that allowed him to hold on to his
supernatural abilities. After that, well, things just got too complicated to care. Whether in the waking world or dream-land (or even Hell) Freddy is
always up to no good and is a major force to be reckoned with.
The Twins form The Shining: Why are child ghosts so damn scary? Is it the idea of children dying young, or the idea that even a young ghost can inflict serious fright? Whatever the reason, ghost kids are freaky as fuck and the twin girls from The Shining bring double the terror. Their deadpan faces are pretty scary, but the fact that they speak in a single voice without opening their mouths is what really unnerves us. Best line: “Come play with us Danny. Come play forever… and ever… and ever…”
Victor Pascow from Pet Sematery: Just because a ghost has a frightening appearance doesn’t necessarily mean he’s evil, as Pascow from Pet Semetary
proves. Pascow’s ghost looks exactly the way his body looked when he died. And since he died after getting hit by a car, he ain’t pretty. Sporting a cracked skull that reveals brain-tissue and a white eye, Pascow’s ghost seems to decay throughout the film (presumably as his corporal body does the same). But Pascow isn’t hanging out to spook the living. He’s actually trying to protect the Dr. who attempted to save his life. So don’t judge a book by its cover, okay?
Thomas from The Orphanage: Another super-scary pint-sized poltergeist is Thomas from The Orphanage. While not necessarily evil, Thomas’ actions lead to tragedy. Sporting a burlap sack mask, Thomas torments the film’s protagonists who’s own son has gone missing. Discovering the fate of her missing son, our protagonist also learns Thomas’ story, allowing his restless soul to pass on.
Samara from The Ring: While she isn’t the first, Samara has become the archetypal Asian female ghost. Samara has long black hair that hangs in wet clumps over her face. Her eyes are black and her skin is bloated and blue from drowning in a well. While alive, Samara displayed an array of supernatural abilities, including being able to transfer her thoughts onto film. While her body decays at the bottom of a well, her spirit travels inside a cursed video-tape. Watch the tape and your days are numbered. Samara’s is most unique for her ability to crawl out of a 2-dimensional TV screen.
The Puking Girl from The Sixth Sense: Sure, the domestic violence victim was scarier, but the puking girl ghost from The Sixth Sense wins the prize. Another scary ass child ghosts and, another who’s hideous appearance hides a benign spirit. The puking girl visits Cole, not to tell her own story, but in an effort to protect her younger sister who is still alive—and living with a monster scarier than any ghost: An abusive mother afflicted with Munchhausen by Proxy.
Santi from The Devil’s Backbone: In many ways, Santi is a relative of Thomas from The Orphanage. Both films are directed and produced by Guillermo de Toro who has noted the similarities between his creations. Both stories take place in an orphanage, both boys/ghosts are pre-adolescent, and both died under suspicious circumstances. Also, Santi isn’t evil per say, but he doesn’t seem to mind the fact that he scares the poop out of the other orphans. As a
drowning victim, Santi is bloated and blue like Samara.
The Candyman from Candyman: Candyman, from the twisted mind of Clive Barker, is kind of like a male version of Bloody Mary. To summon him, simply look into a mirror and say his name 3 times (and then make sure to hold on to your dick). Whereas Bloody Mary finds her way into suburban homes, Candyman lurks among the poor in crumbling projects. With a hook for a hand and a swarm of bees buzzing inside his chest, Candyman is one of the most unsettling ghosts ever imagined. And, along with Bill Cosby’s “Ghost Dad”, Candyman is a member of an extremely small group: African American ghosts.
The Headless Horseman from The Legend of Sleepy Hollow: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow might not be a Horror movie, but it’s definitely the scariest film Tim Burton ever made. Burton’s Horseman has serious action villain prowess, deftly wielding his scorching sword while his steed gallops full speed. Tim Burton’s movie also gave us an extensive back-story on the Horseman, allowing us to see him pre-decapitation. Played by Christopher Walkin with a mouth full of sharpened teeth, the Horseman was pretty much just as frightening before he became a ghost!
Toshio Saeki from The Grudge: Since the female ghost in The Grudge looks so similar to Samara from The Ring, I decided to give this final spot to Toshio Saeki, the little Asian boy ghost. While this character was lampooned in Scary Movie 3, he still packs a chill. Toshio seems able to communicate
with the corporal world to a certain degree, although he never fully emerges from the shadows.
Honorable Mentions go to: Megumi Tanaka from Shutter, Jumby from The Unborn, the lady from Darkness Falls, Ghost Rider from Ghost Rider, and The Twins from The Matrix Reloaded.
That’s if for this week! Thanks for reading!